A Tattoo? YES!

       Yesterday, I finally did it!  The stars and moons aligned and AMAZINGLY it all worked out.  I got a TATTOO!!  I am so thrilled, I don't even have words :)  Here's the story... I have been kicking around the idea of a tattoo for a while.  Years, in fact.  I had a plan but it just never seemed to be the right time.  When Kerri died, I changed my mind about the design and talked about honoring her memory by getting a replica of the tattoo she had on her wrist.  For my birthday, my husband encouraged me to follow through with my plan with a poignant note about memories being worth more than material things (and he also provided the funds to make this happen...thanks, honey!).
       And so the journey began... Where did she have it done?  Could I find the artist?  Could  the design be replicated?  Should I have it placed in the same spot?  Would I actually go through with it???       
       After some bumps in the road, things just fell into place.  Months ago, I had casually mentioned my plan to a friend of Kerri's and she thought she remembered the place Kerri had had it done.  Thankful to have a place to at least start, I checked out the tattoo artist (Glenn) online, looking at samples of his work and it just looked "right".  The style was a fit and I nervously made the decision to have him do the work, even if he was not the original artist.  My cousin, Katie, and I went off to the tattoo parlor with the hope and a prayer that we had the right one.  Well, not only was it the right place.... Glenn had a record of when Kerri had been there (3 years ago!!) and a copy of the exact stencil he had used for her tattoo.  To say I was excited (and relieved!) is an understatement.  I wanted to do a little happy dance right there in the tattoo parlor!!  I'll say it again... I AM THRILLED.  I think it's beautiful and while it was a bittersweet day, it was so worth it.                  

Love the "Old School"/Retro look :)

So...How about you?  Do you have a tattoo?  Does it have a special meaning? 

Still

       I haven't talked written about this in a while.  And it's not because she's not always on my mind.  It's more because I don't want this space to be all about grief.  In many ways my grief has been private (ironically said...since I blog about it!), but there are times it has to come out in some part of my world, so please bear with me.
       As I have said in previous posts, grief is not linear.  It definitely ebbs and flows.  I can usually tell when the wave is coming.  It builds over time, starting slowly and then finally consumes me when I hear a song, see a picture, or do something that reminds me of her.  Kerri and I were always "in for a penny, in for a pound".  We never did things half way and together, we tackled all kinds of crazy tasks.  I look back over the past few days and there were signs.  I knew it was starting on the day I ripped out the carpet in my daughter's room.  It began with a simple thought..."Ya' know, you should be here, helping me with this."  As I sat on the floor pulling out the seemingly four thousand staples, I found myself walking down memory lane, laughing to myself about our various misadventures, and again, for the millionth time, wishing she was here.
       That day was too busy for a breakdown.  I pushed the emotions aside and carried on.  A couple of facebook comments/posts on Friday helped the wave build.  Her friends and our family often post pictures and make comments that bring everything crashing down, but still... I held it at bay.  I knew I was in trouble yesterday.  I was tired.  But not in a physical way.  Emotionally, I felt weary and unable to cope.  Sleep is one way I escape, so sleep I did.  The last two days I have felt unmotivated and uninspired.  Uninterested in life around me.  There are times I wonder if it would be better to just "go with it" when it begins.  Just get it over with; embrace it, let the tidal wave sweep me away, deal with it then and there, and hopefully move through it quickly.  Does that make sense? 
       Today was tough.  I've had my cry.  I look like hell.  I've listened to sad songs and gotten mad at myself for wallowing.  I am hoping the tide will now turn and I can return to what is still the "new normal", even though it's been nine months since she's been gone.  Time to regroup and move forward.

Missing you still, my friend.  Some days are "easier" than others.

This and That

Hey!  It's been a while!  It's been a "little" crazy here.  Since I last blogged, I have traveled to beautiful California for a conference, come home to decisions, decisions, decisions about my house (vinyl siding!  Yay! FINALLY!), completed some home improvements myself (bye-bye carpeting!), and run around like a crazy person driving my kids here and there.  So.  Where to start?
       California was GORGEOUS.  Hot, but dry.  No humidity?  I'll take it!  With 2 days of travel, I was gone for a total of 5 days.  Three days in sunny California.  Most noteworthy?  We ate.  We ate well.  I DID weigh in this past Wednesday.  A two pound gain, but I'll take it.  I'm surprised it wasn't more!  One of my favorite places was a place called Gladstones.  Great food and a BEAUTIFUL view.

Love the colors as the sun set :)

       The call came about the vinyl siding while I was in California.  "We'd like to start Monday."  Ummm...Sure!  All the "stuff" was delivered on Monday and construction began nice and early on Tuesday. (Rise and shine, Buttercup!  Flight arrived at 12:45am, home at 1:15am, in bed at 2:00am...up at 6:30am.  UGH!)  This project is LONG overdue.  I hope I don't have buyer's regret.  We've always lived in "the big white house on the corner".  It's now going to be "the big green house", but when they started removing the white siding there was a lovely red color underneath.  Oh, Red?  Yup, the same color my husband would have picked for the siding, but I just couldn't picture it.  I was afraid it would be too much.  It wouldn't have been.  But now?  Well, we're going green and it's going to be GREAT!  Right??     

Getting there!

       Since the mood around here is "just get it done", I decided to finally tear out the carpet in my daughter's room.  It was a little smelly from our bad kitty and needed to GO (so does the cat, but that's another story).  So, razor tool in hand, I set to work.  Things I have learned from this experience?  1) Replace the razor frequently.  The job is MUCH easier with a sharp blade.  2)  Tack strips hurt. ALOT.  Wear shoes.  3) Flip flops are probably not the best shoes for the job.  But they will do.  4)  Gloves, while optional, are probably a good idea.  All those little tacks and staples?  They leave you looking like you've been mauled.  All that being said, the job is done.  It's not pretty, but it's done. 

That's all for now...It's been a busy couple weeks, but busy in a good way.  

Hoping for a productive weekend :)

Cheers!  Happy Friday!

  

Confessions of a Slug

       Yesterday was a total bust and today isn't looking much better!  I didn't walk move at all.  I went to the beach and laid there, all day, until it was time to come home; hot, sweaty and tired.  I ate ice cream, and loved it.  We had calzones for lunch and they tasted GREAT.  And now?  Now I need to get my mojo back or be resigned to the fact that those numbers on the scale are going to start creeping up again.  Sadly, I am feeling much the same today and need to find some motivation to do SOMETHING.  Laundry? Cleaning? Packing? Shopping for last minute items?  The list goes on and on!  And yet, here I sit!

My view yesterday!

Oops... "Wednesday" Weigh In!

       I am so NOT good at posting when I say I am going to, but... I did weigh in yesterday.  It only occurred to me LATE last night that I hadn't written about it here.  What kept me so busy?  I had an amazing day shopping with my friend.  We love going to Wrentham Mall.  What a great place to poke around, shop, and eat!  In addition to the "must do" stores we also roam around a few that just beg to be visited.   We had loads of fun, but returned home hot and tired, but I digress.  The weigh in wasn't so exciting.  I didn't lose, but thankfully didn't gain.  It is SO hard to deal with moderation and control when I have been eating out so often.  I LOVE spending time with friends and this has been such a nice change from how life "usually" is, so I am not complaining.  I am, however, being reflective on how I am exercising.  Since I am now walking, instead of trying to kill myself running, I am going to plan on walking every day.... even if it is only for a short amount of time.  I am hopping on the train with those who are doing a monthly challenge.  Here's my personal challenge.... walk, every day, for the month of July (which will be a total of 30 days, since I did not walk yesterday!).  I don't know how that will play out next week when I go to California, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it :)