I am and have been reflective, but...WOW....it has not been good. I know the "why"....but knowing why doesn't make it any less painful. This would be the time of year where Kerri and I would be together, a lot. Talking about our classes and kids; getting together to just sit and talk as we prepped things to start the year; trying to solve the problems of the world as we moved into another year of teaching. We would be commuting "together", chatting up a storm, on the way to work every day; comparing notes and commiserating on the way home every afternoon. That was our daily/weekly/yearly "routine".
Okay. So this sucks. Now what? I don't have an answer for that. Counseling? Maybe. (I never thought I'd be "there", but it's an option I can't ignore.) Do SOMETHING (like take a class, go on vacation, get a massage)? Possibly. But things aren't good here. Financially, it's been a difficult couple of months. After thinking about what IS possible, I decided to get back into "Photo A Day". It was something I enjoyed doing with Kerri, so it is bittersweet, but it gives me a daily distraction. It also gives me a reason to get out of the house...because sometimes that is a problem too! So, today is Day 7 and I have managed to complete every day (though I was a little late on days 5 and 6!) I'm going to try to collage the pictures at the end of the month (we'll see if I can do a whole month!).
The photo at the top is one I took today. The prompt was "Upside Down". My life feels topsy turvey right now, but it was nice to take a break and focus on something fun. I'm going to look into some photography "Meet Ups" to see if I can get involved with a group who has interests similar to mine. My husband even mentioned taking a photography class to learn how to use my fancy camera. We'll see.
It's overwhelming, but I'm going to get through this.