Let me say... It's torture. I am not having a good time. I am dragging my feet and whining regularly to anyone who will listen (thank you for listening, if you have made it this far in to this post). I just have to put it out there... I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. It's too hard. I don't have the time. I haven't done anything worth talking about in the last eight years since my initial certification. I don't want to think about my professional practices and how I have grown and developed as a teacher. I hate being videoed; I don't want to do that either. It's too much work. I'm not smart enough. Blah, blah, blah. I'm basically being a big baby.
It's coming down to the final decision; the deadline for the application payment is looming. It IS hard work and a big time commitment. Being a list maker, I've weighed the options... the pros (long term) outweigh the cons (short term). I've gone back and forth with the decision... after all I do still have a year. BUT, is it going to be any less sucky next year? Am I going to be in a better place? More motivated? Less stressed? Probably not. I've even promised myself this will be the last time (even though I will still be teaching when the renewed certification expires). I need to find the motivation to Just. Do. It.
I've talked myself all around the issue and I guess the bottom line is this...
Thanks for listening. I just needed to say all that "out loud".