Sunday, April 30, 2017

Being Reflective

The last couple months have been a *little* crazy.  I've been obsessed with getting things done and being all things to all people.  March was an insane burst of "let's do this".  My brother and I pushed hard to get my office together for Easter, and WE DID IT!  I love how it came out and while there are a few small things to complete, the bulk of the work is done!

Easter Day brought its own set of challenges.  Easter has been "our" holiday for the past few years.  Given that I don't usually cook, pulling off a day featuring approximately 40 friends and family members was a little daunting.  However, when it was all said and done... House was clean, I was not insane, everyone seemed to have a good time, and the food all came out good.  The day was a complete success :)

The last two weeks of April have been eye opening.  I haven't been frenetically trying to get any projects done and have been trying to take some time for myself.  Work always starts getting busy at this time of the year and it's hard to find a balance (not that I've had anything close to balance in a very long time!)  After Easter, I had a week off for spring break.  I spent time with friends, went shopping, fielded a few miscellaneous projects, and took some naps.  I tried a few new things and had lots of laughs.  I'm trying to live in the moment, let stuff go, and just take a step back from planning for and worrying about things I have no control over. 

Guess what?  It's nice.  Nicer than I thought it would be and certainly better than how life was going before.  I'm going to try to hold on to how I feel right now, today.  There are still things to be done, but not today and not tomorrow either.  Let it go... just be.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Staycation

Hey!  It's been awhile (I'd like to get to a point where I feel like I don't have to start my post like that!).  I'm linking up with Amy over at Love Made My Home to bring you this 5 on Friday.  I've been on "vacation" this week and have done "a little of this, and a little of that".  I'm taking advantage of my time off, trying to get things done before I return to work on Monday.

1.  Plans and projects... lots of stuff in the works.  I met with the man who is going to fix the ceilings in my kitchen and dining room.  He is scheduling me in for a time NEXT WEEK.  I am doing the happy dance!!  Fingers crossed that he does a fabulous job!  It would be nice if something finally went "right" with this money pit!

2.  It's been a gorgeous week here!  The snow is still around in patchy spots, but for the most part it's gone.  The melting snow sure revealed a big surprise as it slowly disappeared!

What is that, you may ask?  THAT is a granite "carriage block" that has been in the ground in front of my house for approximately 100 years (give or take a few).  A snowplow apparently hit it and now?  There it is.  It's never dull around here.  I called the city and surprisingly, they showed up the next day to take it away.  They even came back a couple days later to fill in the ginormous hole that was left behind.  I would love it if everything in my life could be so easily taken care of!

3.  In my continuing mission to get rid of everything clean up my life, I started dealing with the shed.  I've spent approximately 10 hours in there thus far; moving stuff around to reorganize and wanting to cry on more than one occasion.  Three contractors bags of garbage later? Yeah, all that would be considered a deck chair off the Queen Mary.  More to go, but the garbage bin can't hold anymore.  One interesting find?  This...

I have no idea where it came from and when I found it, I had no idea what it was.  Apparently, it's a sad iron heater.  Before electric flat irons, cast iron or "sad irons" were used ("sad" meant solid or heavy, in old English).  This little heater has a base to hold oil and a wick that would be lit to heat the iron.  I think it's cute... but I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it!

4.  As I've been cleaning out, I came across some old magnetic albums in my attic.  Ugh.  The albums are not in good shape.  Many of the pictures are fused to the pages or have deteriorated due to the "magnetic" adhesive used to secure the pictures.  I've started pulling the albums apart so I can save some of the pictures in new albums.  What a big job!!  This project is going to take me awhile!!

5.  This week also involved going to the local DIY/Home Improvement store.  This girl is going to do things around this house that she has NEVER considered doing before.  My brother dropped off a mitre saw and a nail gun so I can do some work in the office.  Yikes!  Having never used either, I'm a "little" afraid, but I have time to work up to using them.  The wainscoting that I'm installing has to be stained and polyurethaned first.  The picture below shows boards waiting to be clear coated.  I am estimating that this is about a quarter of what I am going to need.  Good times, good times. 
Just the beginning!
So, there you have it.  My week thus far.  Who am I?  What is happening right now?  When can I go back to my real life?  These are the questions that I ask myself Every. Single. Day.  Ah, the learning curve is steep, but I CAN do all this.  Right?

I hope everyone has had a great week and is looking forward to a restful weekend.  
Enjoy whatever projects you have planned! 
  

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Moving On?


Today, I took the day off.  That doesn't happen often around here.  I tried hard not to beat myself up over it.  I never just "am".  I am always doing something.  The past few months have been about doing something, anything in an attempt to avoid the obvious parts of my life.  When I am at work, I am working.  No down time, always busy.  When I home, I am cleaning, sorting. going through some aspect of this house to make things "easier" for when I can finally sell it.  The ugly truth is... I am crashing.  I've been running on fumes.

I tend to push myself to the limit so I can sleep at night.  I can be reflective, so I get it.  I recognize what I am doing.  If I keep busy, I feel like I am moving forward.  One step at a time.  Yet, I'm not.  I'm stuck.  It's like being a hamster on a wheel... running, running, running, yet not really moving or getting anywhere.  When I finish one task, it's on to the next.  I don't celebrate the "accomplishment", I check it off the list in my head and immediately roll on to what's next. 

I resent what this house stands for.  I don't want to do it anymore.  It's exhausting.  The emotional turmoil sucks the life out of me.  I'm getting over the "it's not fair".  It is what it is.  What I am struggling with is dragging myself through the past to get ready for a hopefully brighter future.  Spending money that I'd like to save for the future to fix things that should have been done long ago, weeding through things that represent a place and time that no longer exists, and making decisions based on what needs to just get done, rather than the dream of what "home" looked like in my mind.  

I don't know how to change what is going on here.  Today, I gave up.  I stayed in my pajamas until three o'clock, read a smutty book, napped, and met up with my parents for dinner.  If I can manage it, I may end the night with a bath, a glass of wine, and another trashy book.  Now, I'm tired.  Just tired.  I'd like to say I want my "old life" back.  But no, that's not right.  I don't want to settle for a life half lived, I've done that for way too long.  It's going to get better.  I am okay.  Breathe.   

Sometimes I feel like I am hanging on by a thread.  This is not the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's damn close.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Hello, 2017!

Have you ever done this before?  Chosen one word to focus on for an entire year?  I've been kicking around resolutions and I have to say, for me right now, focusing on the negative is the last thing I want to do.  In the past, my resolutions have been lists of things identified as needing change, areas I struggle with, or things needing to be "fixed" because I am falling short in some way.  Then, at the end of the year, I look back, shake my head at all that unfinished, unaccomplished business and resolve to "do better next year".  At this time of so many new beginnings, I am shifting my perspective.    

A while back, my yoga instructor read a passage that resonated with me..

  "How dare you not step into the world with purpose?   
How dare you not live up to your potential?" 
 (Tiffany Cruikshank, Meditate Your Weight)  

I love this quote!  To me, it speaks to recognizing inner qualities and what a person has to offer and I love the challenge that it holds.  This year, I want to start the year on a positive note.  After much deliberation (there are SO MANY awesome words out there!), the word I am choosing is something I can reflect and fall back on.  It has meaning and can interweave through the many aspects of my life.  It is a word that sums up how I am feeling, right at this moment.  I want to hold on to that feeling, nurture it, and use it as momentum.  I  want to celebrate it as I move through the year and make things happen.  Hmmm... all this wrapped into one word?  Is that even possible?  Not just possible, I think it's totally doable!  So, here it is... my focus for this year.  

               How about you?  Are you setting goals, making a plan, tying your ideas to one word?  
Or are you resolving to just let the year unfold?


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Goodbye (and Good Riddance) 2016

Here it is, the last day of 2016.  I won't lie, this year has been a suckfest.  It's been so long since I posted anything because I've started and stopped so many times, never really knowing what to say.  I still don't know what to say.  I couldn't bring myself to create a blog-land illusion of sunshine and light and yet, I didn't want to turn this space into a daily downward spiral of misery.  So, I'm taking the plunge... I need start moving past what has happened this year.  I need some semblance of a "new normal" that is positive, peaceful, and balanced.  Things are still unfolding and I'm sure there will be many more highs and lows, but I'm putting this out there with the anticipation it will break the writer's block I have imposed upon myself.     

The good... I am going to be okay.  I have great kids, a great family, and great friends.  While the future is a little uncertain right now, I AM going to be fine.  While the future isn't what I envisioned, I am going to make the best of it.  Moving forward, accomplishing goals, and doing what's best for me and my kids are things on the bucket list for 2017.

The bad... My husband and I have been together for 30 years.  While things have been a little sketchy for a while now, I had hoped, in my heart of hearts, that we could work our way back to each other.  Apparently, that is not going to happen.  He has found his soulmate and they are now very happy together.  No discretion, no apology, he has just walked away without looking back.  How nice for him.  How nice for them.  Ouch.

The ugly... I am left holding the bag with what's left of our combined lives in it.  This house?  Ugh.  He gave up on our life together long ago.  There are things needing to be done: decisions to be made, projects to be finished, things to be gone through, and financial matters to tend to.  I have often "joked" that I was unsure of whether to be insulted or relieved that he had such low standards.  My yard looks like an episode of Sanford and Sons.  The shed?  Good Lord.  I have no words.  My house is full of unfinished projects that need to be addressed.  I have been cleaning and repairing for the past four months, and yet I haven't even scratched the surface.  Baby steps.  All the decisions can be overwhelming, but it will all get done.  Or it won't.  Either way, the house will be sold within the next year and a half (hopefully hanging on until Bubba graduates from high school).

So, there it is.  Lots of changes and more to come.  That "new normal"?  Still a work in progress, but I will get there.  I am determined.           
 

Monday, September 5, 2016

A Little Update (August Wrap Up)

It's been a whirlwind of days since my last post.  August went by in a flash!  I am back to school... new principal, new classroom, all day kindergarten, with new kids!  When I last posted, I had a list of Poo2Do.  I was "somewhat" successful in meeting my goals.  I guess I should feel accomplished, in spite of not getting it all done!  Here's what's been making me spin...

Home
1) Meet with a contractor and get some of the house stuff off my plate and onto the plate of someone who can actually complete the projects.  Goals: foyer, dining room ceiling, and bathroom.  Fingers crossed! Yay! Finally!  According to the contractor, the foyer and the bathroom are "easy".  The dining room ceiling? Not so much.  We are on his list of projects to get to before the holidays.  No rush... it's been like this for 20 years... a couple more months isn't going to kill me :) 

2) Upholster window seat - Sadly, not yet.


3) Paint the kitchen Walls are done!! Now I just need to get the Mister to fix the ceiling (Who am I kidding...but we all have to have dreams).

Crafts
1) Frame (and hang!) finished cross stitch project - Who knew finding a 9x22 frame would be so hard??  Looks like I may have to have it framed at the local craft shop.  It'll be pricey, but worth it!

2) Do a "day-a-week" on my newly started 12 Days of Christmas sampler  I LOVE this project.  I have 4 sections done so far.  I have slacked a little since I went back to work, but I am very excited to be "regularly" cross stitching again.

Family
1) Parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary (shopping, food prep, cake, and more!)  Had a great day with family and friends.  It was HOT, but my parents had a lovely time.  It was fabulous to get together with all my cousins and their many kids!

2) Get Girlie ready to move back to the dorm  She's there and loving it.  Just booked a weekend to be at the college for "Parents' Weekend".  Had a super time with her last year... looking forward to going back :)

School
1) Set up my classroom  CLEAN, it's CLEAN.  The art room has successfully been transformed into a kindergarten space.  It took a hazmat suit and a power washer (just kidding, maybe) to make it inhabitable.  I am thrilled with my new space and my kiddos are too :)

2) Organize science materials - No. Just no.  Again.

3) Shop for various back-to-school things that are needed  Done, but there's always more!

4) Finish organizing library center Oh, be still my OCD heart... It is lovely. 

5) Figure out the new schedule and set up planbook  Back into the swing of things... getting used to a completely different pace.

That's it... the good and the bad, the finished and unfinished.  When I get two minutes, I have some pictures I'd like to upload.  AND... I'd love to start blogging with more consistency.  The days fly by and there is so much to do at night. 


Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Poo-2-Do (An August Bucket List)

I always start to panic at this point in the summer.  How can it already be the beginning of August??  I have many miles to go before I go back to work.  I feel like, while I have been productive and have made the most of my time off, there are still so many things that I need to accomplish.  Summer is my time to get "big things" done.  Those "big things" don't necessarily have to be time consuming or terribly significant, they are things that just get pushed to the back burner when my life is consumed by school.  So... I have 23 days until I go back, just a little over three weeks.  Let's get a plan!!

Home
1) Meet with a contractor and get some of the house stuff off my plate and onto the plate of someone who can actually complete the projects.  Goals: foyer, dining room ceiling, and bathroom.  Fingers crossed!
2) Upholster window seat
3) Paint the kitchen

Crafts
1) Frame (and hang!) finished cross stitch project
2) Do a "day-a-week" on my newly started 12 Days of Christmas sampler

Family
1) Parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary (shopping, food prep, cake, and more!)
2) Get Girlie ready to move back to the dorm

School
1) Set up my classroom
2) Organize science materials
3) Shop for various back-to-school things that are needed
4) Finish organizing library center
5) Figure out the new schedule and set up planbook

I think that's it!  There are still appointments to be kept and plans with friends to work around, but there it all is in a nutshell.  23 days, huh?.... 
Ready? Set? Go....