Words

Two days ago, my whole world changed, and not for the better.  You know, in a surreal way, that you can get that phone call at any time.  And in that moment, time stops.  You hear the words...“There’s been an accident”.  The frantic ride to the hospital, the disbelief, then time stops again… “She didn’t make it”.  

How?  How can this be?  I feel like I have shattered into a million pieces.  My beautiful, talented, best friend in the whole wide world (cousins by birth, friends by choice) is gone.  I just keep saying “I can’t."  I can’t breathe sometimes.  I can’t wrap my head around where I am, where she is not.  I can't believe this is happening.  I can’t do THIS. 

This is smothering me, the weight of it.  I want to run; literally and figuratively, but there is nowhere to go to get away from “here”.  It is raw, this grief.  There are words are inside me, struggling to form, because I need a way to name it, to describe it, to give how I feel a voice so that I can let it out.  Right now the words are just screams inside  me, tearing at what is left.

I love you, my friend.  Peace.