I think the silence is the hardest part right now. It takes my breath away when I go to call you or think to myself “I have to tell Kerri this/that”. I can be surrounded by people in a room, people who love and miss you too, and feel like I am the only one there. All that talking going on around me, but there is still a silence because I can't hear you.
That phone that kept me so connected to you… silent…even though it has not stopped ringing. It catches me off guard…how can it not be you? There is just this empty void that no one else can fill.
Silly things raise tiny glimmers of hope that this just can't be happening. I see your picture in the chat section of Facebook and I look to see if that little green dot is next to your name to let me know that you are there, available to chat. No dot…still the silence continues.
The moments that I “forget” and talk about you like you are here or when someone says your name and I look up, expecting to see you, are some of the most difficult to breathe through. That is when the silence becomes deafening. It crashes down, overwhelming me with the harsh reality that you are gone.
I have so much inside, the pain is too great. You were the one who would have shared this with me. We would have looked for the light in the dark and found a way through it, together.
I love you, my friend. This is hard.