A Whine Fest

So, you know how you feel when you have to do something significant in your life and you just don't want to?  That's where I am right now.  If you know anything about National Board Certification for teachers, you realize it's a pretty big deal (or it can be, depending on how you are compensated for having it).  I've been board certified for almost ten years and it has been worth it.  (Although, a friend who went through the initial certification with me has reminded me I did say back then that I would NEVER do it again). That certification is going to expire and it is time for me to renew.  I can do it this year OR I can do it next year.  Doing it this year gives me the opportunity to retry next year if I don't succeed the first time around.  That, and it could possibly be off my plate after this year and I can stop obsessing about it.

Let me say... It's torture.  I am not having a good time.  I am dragging my feet and whining regularly to anyone who will listen (thank you for listening, if you have made it this far in to this post).  I just have to put it out there... I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.  It's too hard.  I don't have the time.  I haven't done anything worth talking about in the last eight years since my initial certification.  I don't want to think about my professional practices and how I have grown and developed as a teacher.  I hate being videoed; I don't want to do that either.  It's too much work.  I'm not smart enough.  Blah, blah, blah.  I'm basically being a big baby.  

It's coming down to the final decision; the deadline for the application payment is looming.  It IS hard work and a big time commitment.  Being a list maker, I've weighed the options... the pros (long term) outweigh the cons (short term).  I've gone back and forth with the decision... after all I do still have a year.  BUT, is it going to be any less sucky next year?  Am I going to be in a better place?  More motivated?  Less stressed?  Probably not.  I've even promised myself this will be the last time (even though I will still be teaching when the renewed certification expires).  I need to find the motivation to Just. Do. It.         

I've talked myself all around the issue and I guess the bottom line is this...

 Thanks for listening.  I just needed to say all that "out loud".