This Week

   

       Holy Moly!  What a quick week!  I haven't been feeling very accomplished lately, but when I sat down to write "something" tonight.... and figure out Where In The World Did This Week GO??.... I should probably cut myself some slack.  This week was busy with end of the summer/back to school stuff.
       Girlie is entering her Senior Year and hasn't been all that wild about figuring out what she would like to do after high school.  She wants to go to college, but isn't really ready to face it.  Well, this week we began the process of figuring out the "where".  After visiting three colleges out of state, and what feels like a million miles in the car, she has one in-state and two out of state colleges in mind.  All three are winners for me, but there is still a mountain of paperwork and the question of how to pay for it all.  If you haven't had a reason to pay attention to the cost of a college education, all I can say is WOW!  The sticker shock is UNBELIEVABLE.  I'm going to think about all that "later".
       I started setting up my classroom (where did the summer go??).  Thursday and Friday I went to work to begin the process.  The first couple days in the building are always spent catching up with friends, unpacking storage areas, and trying to wrap my head around the fact that it's actually time to begin again.   I have tons of things to do at home (labels, packets, planning), so I probably won't make another trek in until Wednesday.  We'll see.  Once I get back into the groove of things, it's hard to stay away!  Next Friday is kindergarten orientation... ready or not, here they come!
       On the home front, I tore out another carpet!  Bubba's room is now carpet free and it is such an improvement!  Oh, the floor underneath leaves much to be desired, but that funky odor that was hanging around (boy funk, cat funk, carpet cleaner smell) is gone.  Hooray!  I did have a moment of anxiety over the fact that we don't have a plan to have it replaced for a while, but it needed to be done.  Again, I'm just pushing everything off and believing that this will all somehow work out.

       I guess those are the major highlights.  I also managed to attend three meetings, bag up and deliver items for donation, do some back to school shopping, go to an anniversary party, hang out with friends, get my hair cut, and take Girlie to volleyball practice and work (because, ya' know, the whole truck thing....which is working itself out, too.  It's not totaled.  I'm glad about that. Right?).

Accomplished?  Unaccomplished?

  Nothing feels "finished", but lots of little things have been checked off the ever growing list of "poo2do".  

So, I guess it depends on how you look at it :)   

       

Tough Love

        It's never dull around here.  Bubba is away for a week camping; this is his first "away" trip...ever.  He is 14 and likes to stick close to home.  He has a close friend and they have done many sleep overs (here and there), but this is with a different friend.  A friend I don't even really know.  He called me last night, just to say goodnight.  As I was having a little "awww" moment, I realized that we/I am definitely transitioning into the next phase in a life with children....they are moving apart, breaking away, and beginning to find their own way.  It makes me a *little* sad, but I know it's what is next and it's not always going to be easy.

So, there I was, having a peaceful moment, feeling a twinge of bittersweet...

       And then the text came.  My husband was at the local park with my daughter.  Her truck is most likely totaled and they were waiting for a flat bed to take it away.  My first response was... Is she okay?  After the "yes" came the.... "I'm gonna kill her."  This is the second time THIS MONTH that she has done significant damage to her truck.  The first time cost me 1,000.00, with the agreement that she will be paying it back.  We have tried to instill good values, an appreciation for what has been freely given and the understanding that a vehicle is not a TOY.  Obviously, we have failed.

     Grrrr....Totaled means no truck.  Totaled means I AM NOT replacing it.  Totaled means....hey, it sucks to be you and you need to figure out the when and how YOU are going to get a new one.  Totaled means that my husband and I are going to need to stand together (something he will struggle with because Girlie is his princess and princesses should never be sad).

       I'm not really sure what to hope for... totaled does mean no truck, however then I play taxi service (when I can...I do have somewhat of a life) and have to deal with teenage angst.  Not totaled means another repair bill... on top of the first repair bill and the bill we had to pay last week when my husband's truck broke down.  I guess we'll have to wait and see what the repair shop says.  Good times, good times.

Seriously now, is boring too much to ask for?

Progress?

       Alright, I'm in a slump.  So, I thought I would reassess and do a little check in to see how I am progressing with my "poo2do" list.  Not bad so far!! 

Summer Bucket List:
1) C25K - on hold :(
2) Los Angeles Trip - It was Great!
3) Get a Tattoo **YAY**
4) Organize my school world (especially in the area of Science!)
5) Take advantage of some tech training through work
6) Beach Time - Some, but not enough!
7) Get some scrapbooking done - My niece's baby book is done! She's 8.  Don't judge me :)
8) Get some cross stitching done
9) Hang with friends and family - Never enough of this!
10) Get some house "stuff" done - Hmmm...what else can I get into around here?
11) Read - Yay! 
12) Fix the template of this Blog! (Ugh!) - while still a work in progress, the template is "better".
13) Blog at least once a week - A work in progress.

There are some things that just aren't going to happen (#5 - tech training); it just wasn't meant to be.  Other things have worked their way on to the list.  Things I had either forgotten about or have just come up.  I think this sums up where I am right now...

 
       Looking back (and ahead!), I need to get moving on some of the goals I have set for myself!  I have things that MUST get done, but I don't want to do them (ignoring them hasn't made them go away).  Organizing my school world is clawing its way to the top of the list.  A plan!  I need a plan!  I only have a couple more weeks until I go back to work... Yikes!!  Time goes by so fast!!

      

A Tattoo? YES!

       Yesterday, I finally did it!  The stars and moons aligned and AMAZINGLY it all worked out.  I got a TATTOO!!  I am so thrilled, I don't even have words :)  Here's the story... I have been kicking around the idea of a tattoo for a while.  Years, in fact.  I had a plan but it just never seemed to be the right time.  When Kerri died, I changed my mind about the design and talked about honoring her memory by getting a replica of the tattoo she had on her wrist.  For my birthday, my husband encouraged me to follow through with my plan with a poignant note about memories being worth more than material things (and he also provided the funds to make this happen...thanks, honey!).
       And so the journey began... Where did she have it done?  Could I find the artist?  Could  the design be replicated?  Should I have it placed in the same spot?  Would I actually go through with it???       
       After some bumps in the road, things just fell into place.  Months ago, I had casually mentioned my plan to a friend of Kerri's and she thought she remembered the place Kerri had had it done.  Thankful to have a place to at least start, I checked out the tattoo artist (Glenn) online, looking at samples of his work and it just looked "right".  The style was a fit and I nervously made the decision to have him do the work, even if he was not the original artist.  My cousin, Katie, and I went off to the tattoo parlor with the hope and a prayer that we had the right one.  Well, not only was it the right place.... Glenn had a record of when Kerri had been there (3 years ago!!) and a copy of the exact stencil he had used for her tattoo.  To say I was excited (and relieved!) is an understatement.  I wanted to do a little happy dance right there in the tattoo parlor!!  I'll say it again... I AM THRILLED.  I think it's beautiful and while it was a bittersweet day, it was so worth it.                  

Love the "Old School"/Retro look :)

So...How about you?  Do you have a tattoo?  Does it have a special meaning? 

Still

       I haven't talked written about this in a while.  And it's not because she's not always on my mind.  It's more because I don't want this space to be all about grief.  In many ways my grief has been private (ironically said...since I blog about it!), but there are times it has to come out in some part of my world, so please bear with me.
       As I have said in previous posts, grief is not linear.  It definitely ebbs and flows.  I can usually tell when the wave is coming.  It builds over time, starting slowly and then finally consumes me when I hear a song, see a picture, or do something that reminds me of her.  Kerri and I were always "in for a penny, in for a pound".  We never did things half way and together, we tackled all kinds of crazy tasks.  I look back over the past few days and there were signs.  I knew it was starting on the day I ripped out the carpet in my daughter's room.  It began with a simple thought..."Ya' know, you should be here, helping me with this."  As I sat on the floor pulling out the seemingly four thousand staples, I found myself walking down memory lane, laughing to myself about our various misadventures, and again, for the millionth time, wishing she was here.
       That day was too busy for a breakdown.  I pushed the emotions aside and carried on.  A couple of facebook comments/posts on Friday helped the wave build.  Her friends and our family often post pictures and make comments that bring everything crashing down, but still... I held it at bay.  I knew I was in trouble yesterday.  I was tired.  But not in a physical way.  Emotionally, I felt weary and unable to cope.  Sleep is one way I escape, so sleep I did.  The last two days I have felt unmotivated and uninspired.  Uninterested in life around me.  There are times I wonder if it would be better to just "go with it" when it begins.  Just get it over with; embrace it, let the tidal wave sweep me away, deal with it then and there, and hopefully move through it quickly.  Does that make sense? 
       Today was tough.  I've had my cry.  I look like hell.  I've listened to sad songs and gotten mad at myself for wallowing.  I am hoping the tide will now turn and I can return to what is still the "new normal", even though it's been nine months since she's been gone.  Time to regroup and move forward.

Missing you still, my friend.  Some days are "easier" than others.

This and That

Hey!  It's been a while!  It's been a "little" crazy here.  Since I last blogged, I have traveled to beautiful California for a conference, come home to decisions, decisions, decisions about my house (vinyl siding!  Yay! FINALLY!), completed some home improvements myself (bye-bye carpeting!), and run around like a crazy person driving my kids here and there.  So.  Where to start?
       California was GORGEOUS.  Hot, but dry.  No humidity?  I'll take it!  With 2 days of travel, I was gone for a total of 5 days.  Three days in sunny California.  Most noteworthy?  We ate.  We ate well.  I DID weigh in this past Wednesday.  A two pound gain, but I'll take it.  I'm surprised it wasn't more!  One of my favorite places was a place called Gladstones.  Great food and a BEAUTIFUL view.

Love the colors as the sun set :)

       The call came about the vinyl siding while I was in California.  "We'd like to start Monday."  Ummm...Sure!  All the "stuff" was delivered on Monday and construction began nice and early on Tuesday. (Rise and shine, Buttercup!  Flight arrived at 12:45am, home at 1:15am, in bed at 2:00am...up at 6:30am.  UGH!)  This project is LONG overdue.  I hope I don't have buyer's regret.  We've always lived in "the big white house on the corner".  It's now going to be "the big green house", but when they started removing the white siding there was a lovely red color underneath.  Oh, Red?  Yup, the same color my husband would have picked for the siding, but I just couldn't picture it.  I was afraid it would be too much.  It wouldn't have been.  But now?  Well, we're going green and it's going to be GREAT!  Right??     

Getting there!

       Since the mood around here is "just get it done", I decided to finally tear out the carpet in my daughter's room.  It was a little smelly from our bad kitty and needed to GO (so does the cat, but that's another story).  So, razor tool in hand, I set to work.  Things I have learned from this experience?  1) Replace the razor frequently.  The job is MUCH easier with a sharp blade.  2)  Tack strips hurt. ALOT.  Wear shoes.  3) Flip flops are probably not the best shoes for the job.  But they will do.  4)  Gloves, while optional, are probably a good idea.  All those little tacks and staples?  They leave you looking like you've been mauled.  All that being said, the job is done.  It's not pretty, but it's done. 

That's all for now...It's been a busy couple weeks, but busy in a good way.  

Hoping for a productive weekend :)

Cheers!  Happy Friday!

  

Confessions of a Slug

       Yesterday was a total bust and today isn't looking much better!  I didn't walk move at all.  I went to the beach and laid there, all day, until it was time to come home; hot, sweaty and tired.  I ate ice cream, and loved it.  We had calzones for lunch and they tasted GREAT.  And now?  Now I need to get my mojo back or be resigned to the fact that those numbers on the scale are going to start creeping up again.  Sadly, I am feeling much the same today and need to find some motivation to do SOMETHING.  Laundry? Cleaning? Packing? Shopping for last minute items?  The list goes on and on!  And yet, here I sit!

My view yesterday!