A Whine Fest

So, you know how you feel when you have to do something significant in your life and you just don't want to?  That's where I am right now.  If you know anything about National Board Certification for teachers, you realize it's a pretty big deal (or it can be, depending on how you are compensated for having it).  I've been board certified for almost ten years and it has been worth it.  (Although, a friend who went through the initial certification with me has reminded me I did say back then that I would NEVER do it again). That certification is going to expire and it is time for me to renew.  I can do it this year OR I can do it next year.  Doing it this year gives me the opportunity to retry next year if I don't succeed the first time around.  That, and it could possibly be off my plate after this year and I can stop obsessing about it.

Let me say... It's torture.  I am not having a good time.  I am dragging my feet and whining regularly to anyone who will listen (thank you for listening, if you have made it this far in to this post).  I just have to put it out there... I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.  It's too hard.  I don't have the time.  I haven't done anything worth talking about in the last eight years since my initial certification.  I don't want to think about my professional practices and how I have grown and developed as a teacher.  I hate being videoed; I don't want to do that either.  It's too much work.  I'm not smart enough.  Blah, blah, blah.  I'm basically being a big baby.  

It's coming down to the final decision; the deadline for the application payment is looming.  It IS hard work and a big time commitment.  Being a list maker, I've weighed the options... the pros (long term) outweigh the cons (short term).  I've gone back and forth with the decision... after all I do still have a year.  BUT, is it going to be any less sucky next year?  Am I going to be in a better place?  More motivated?  Less stressed?  Probably not.  I've even promised myself this will be the last time (even though I will still be teaching when the renewed certification expires).  I need to find the motivation to Just. Do. It.         

I've talked myself all around the issue and I guess the bottom line is this...

 Thanks for listening.  I just needed to say all that "out loud". 

Tough Love

        It's never dull around here.  Bubba is away for a week camping; this is his first "away" trip...ever.  He is 14 and likes to stick close to home.  He has a close friend and they have done many sleep overs (here and there), but this is with a different friend.  A friend I don't even really know.  He called me last night, just to say goodnight.  As I was having a little "awww" moment, I realized that we/I am definitely transitioning into the next phase in a life with children....they are moving apart, breaking away, and beginning to find their own way.  It makes me a *little* sad, but I know it's what is next and it's not always going to be easy.

So, there I was, having a peaceful moment, feeling a twinge of bittersweet...

       And then the text came.  My husband was at the local park with my daughter.  Her truck is most likely totaled and they were waiting for a flat bed to take it away.  My first response was... Is she okay?  After the "yes" came the.... "I'm gonna kill her."  This is the second time THIS MONTH that she has done significant damage to her truck.  The first time cost me 1,000.00, with the agreement that she will be paying it back.  We have tried to instill good values, an appreciation for what has been freely given and the understanding that a vehicle is not a TOY.  Obviously, we have failed.

     Grrrr....Totaled means no truck.  Totaled means I AM NOT replacing it.  Totaled means....hey, it sucks to be you and you need to figure out the when and how YOU are going to get a new one.  Totaled means that my husband and I are going to need to stand together (something he will struggle with because Girlie is his princess and princesses should never be sad).

       I'm not really sure what to hope for... totaled does mean no truck, however then I play taxi service (when I can...I do have somewhat of a life) and have to deal with teenage angst.  Not totaled means another repair bill... on top of the first repair bill and the bill we had to pay last week when my husband's truck broke down.  I guess we'll have to wait and see what the repair shop says.  Good times, good times.

Seriously now, is boring too much to ask for?

Holy Hot Mess!

There are times in my life I look around and think "Whose life is this???"  I've been busy....really busy.  This past week was a little crazier than my normal crazy.  In addition to my regularly scheduled program, I also managed to squeeze in: five meetings (2 before work, 3 after), a College Fair with my daughter, mentoring a colleague, dinner out with my brother (totally unplanned, but a nice break!) and the added craziness of being evaluated, conferences, etc.  Anyway, I knew in a "oh, this is going to catch up with me" way, that things would eventually be bad.

While I was out, my house went rogue.  Dishes, laundry, dust, pet hair, stuff laying around.  It was a day of reckoning around here today.  Dishes?  Let's do a head count.  How many people live here?  The answer....4 (well, sometimes 5, if I count my son's best friend).  How is it even POSSIBLE in a house with a dishwasher that Every. Single. glass, plate, and utensil is dirty?  I just don't get it.  

Laundry?  My laundry has laundry.  I don't get that either.  Even if I could run my washer and dryer, straight through, from now until tomorrow night, I would not have it all done within the weekend.  It's been going all day.  I can't even count the number of loads I have done, and yet...still not caught up.  Again.. How many people live here?  4?  Are you sure?

And finally, the dust?  Ugh.  It's been a while.  Let me just say that those dust bunnies aren't too smart.  If they stopped hiding quietly under the beds and in corners and hooked up with the pet hair.... well, let's just say they could have taken over the world.

I've done lots today and I suppose I should feel accomplished, but there is still so much more to do.  Tomorrow is another day.  Right?  I wonder what new things I can find to tackle.  Pretty sure I'm not going to have to look too far.

Sometimes I think I go back to work to rest.

Blogger Angst

     UGH!!  I was messing around where I should not have and I deleted my blog template.  Of course it wasn't backed up.  Of course I can't find it again.  And now?  Now I am supremely annoyed.  I can't get my blog list to post on the blog.  The followers button is no longer available, apparently one must convert to Google+.  I don't want to convert to Google+.  I am thankful others have had similar problems, because I have been able to google some answers.  Google and I....we have a love/hate relationship right now!
     I liked the way my blog looked.  I was TRYING to find out why the header was no longer appearing.  Really?  I have spent the better part of the past two nights looking for a new template that I like.  This one is not perfect but I am giving up on it for now.  I know this is a first world problem, but could I please catch a break???

** Changed the template again (just can't leave it alone!)  Followers are back, but still no blog list!**