Bittersweet

Things move fast around here!  It's been quite the whirlwind.  For awhile, there didn't seem to be much happening.  Then, all the sudden, it was time to buckle up... the roller coaster ride was about to start!  The end of the school year always brings its own excitement and this year did not disappoint. My Bubba graduated (Praise Baby Jesus!)  There have been moments of doubt I would see the day, but it actually happened!  So proud of my boy!!  So, we have a little celebrating to do this summer over that tremendous accomplishment.  In other news, I had to move classrooms AGAIN so there was lots of packing to be done.  The school year ended last Friday and I walked out of there exhausted, but with a song in my heart.  It's DONE... done and dusted, packed and moved, Hasta La Vista until the Fall! 

All that and now I can focus on this...
My house has SOLD and I am in the process of buying another one.  The tentative closing date for both properties is August 15th.  I am overwhelmed with the "adulting" involved: phone calls, inspections, decisions, and packing.  ESPECIALLY the packing.  It's just crazy.  I *know* I have a lot of stuff, but wowzer, you really don't KNOW how much you have until you have to physically touch every item you own.  I just keep talking myself off the ledge.  I have PLENTY of time to do all of this yet, I just feel swamped.  I thought I was over "it", but apparently the process of saying good-bye to this house is dredging up more than I could have anticipated.  I have invested so much of myself into this place.  While I am proud of what I have done, it makes me sad.  The stuff ("our" stuff) that is here to be packed, the feelings of loss of what I thought we had, and the memories that go with it all are still tough to take.  That being said, I'm trying hard not to wallow; it's time.  This last little bit shuts the door on a huge piece of my life.  My kids are grown (although not quite independent yet), this house needs a new start with new life in it, and I need to look forward to new beginnings.  I can be strong for just a while longer.  I got this!

I'm Still Here

Hey!  It's been a long time!  It's been so long that I'm not sure where to start... So, let's just go with life in a nutshell.  It's good!  The last ten months (YIKES, TEN MONTHS!) have been a whirlwind of activity.  The good news is... the house is DONE and on the market to be sold.  So many projects, so much time and effort.  I wish I had had the effort to create a diary of all the work as it was being completed!  I'm going to try to do a recap.  I'll start with the outside...

Once I had joked about my yard being like an episode of Sandford and Son; unfortunately, I wasn't kidding.  It only took 3 hours to fill the 20 yard dumpster.  The amount of junk hanging around was UNBELIEVABLE!  It was such a relief to have all that stuff GONE!

Obviously, this is the shed.  All newly touched up (it had been painted the summer before, but the trim was never finished).  Later on in the cleanup process I found the shutters.  Those have since been painted and put back on where they belong (sorry... no current picture of that!)

These are the areas along my driveway.  Sadly neglected and in desperate need of sprucing up.  A friend of mine and I spent a very hot, long day planning out how to use some of the extra pavers and edging blocks that were just hanging around.

Finished area for trash bins

This is the other side of the driveway... Completely overgrown (left pic).  

All tidy and neat when finished (right pic).  It doesn't even look like the same space!

All mulched and planted!

Now...of course things need to be freshened up after the winter... it's not acting like spring around here yet, so I'm going to wait until the weather warms up (or NOT, if someone comes along and buys this place before Mother Nature gets her act together!)

So that's a little sample of what's been going on around here.  I'm hoping to share more... but no promises!  Until next time....

   

A "Quick" Catch Up

Huh?  It's been that long?  April was the last time I posted... to be honest I'm not surprised.  The struggle has been real over here, but I'm hoping things are going to start looking up.  Let's do a quick catch up...

The end of the school year is ALWAYS crazy and this year didn't disappoint on that front.  Glad to be away from work for a little while.  Things need to settle down there...sometimes teacher drama is WAY WORSE than kid drama.  Report cards were sent home wrong (just loving technology right now!), teachers were crazy, and I spent way too much time putting out fires, going to meetings, and on the phone with my boss.  On the plus side... I had a GREAT class this year and I am sad to see them move on to first grade.  I am hoping that the summer is going to provide a much needed break and that I am going to find some time to recharge!

So much time has passed, and yet so little, since my husband left.  I'm not going to lie, the months have been exhausting.  This week, we finally went to court to officially call it quits.  We sat side by side, making small talk; chatting about the kids and the struggles of getting our lives untangled.  Once our case was heard, we walked out to the parking lot together and simply got into our separate cars and drove away.  I guess that's it.  It's hard to find the words to say how I'm feeling.  I still don't know how we could have lost what we had, how it meant so little and wasn't worth fighting for.  Yesterday, I came across a Mother's Day card he had given me after our daughter was born.  His words haunt me and I could cry thinking about them.  His love for me, our family, our future...  It's a stark contrast to the letter I found from his mistress, the pictures he puts up on facebook, and where we are now.  This isn't where I'd ever thought we'd be, but it's time to start looking ahead and stop dwelling in the past.  I blocked him today on facebook.  I don't want to see into his life anymore.  It hurts and it's senseless since I'm only hurting myself.  So enough wallowing...

What's next?
Well, it's time to get serious about healthy eating and living.  I'm going to climb back on the weight loss wagon, yet again.  It's time.  I have consoled myself with food and drink for way too many months now.  Today, I took the first steps (literally!).  I walked 3 miles and made good choices for all three meals of the day.  Day 1... many more to go!

I guess I'm going to bite the bullet and get serious about working on this house.  Since this is the last summer we will be here (I'm planning to put it on the market next spring), I'd like to get as much done as possible while I have the time.  I have a contractor coming next month to do a couple of the big projects.... We'll see how much gets done!  I need a game plan, but it makes me tired just thinking about it!

 

That's about all for now.  Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!!

Being Reflective

The last couple months have been a *little* crazy.  I've been obsessed with getting things done and being all things to all people.  March was an insane burst of "let's do this".  My brother and I pushed hard to get my office together for Easter, and WE DID IT!  I love how it came out and while there are a few small things to complete, the bulk of the work is done!

Easter Day brought its own set of challenges.  Easter has been "our" holiday for the past few years.  Given that I don't usually cook, pulling off a day featuring approximately 40 friends and family members was a little daunting.  However, when it was all said and done... House was clean, I was not insane, everyone seemed to have a good time, and the food all came out good.  The day was a complete success :)

The last two weeks of April have been eye opening.  I haven't been frenetically trying to get any projects done and have been trying to take some time for myself.  Work always starts getting busy at this time of the year and it's hard to find a balance (not that I've had anything close to balance in a very long time!)  After Easter, I had a week off for spring break.  I spent time with friends, went shopping, fielded a few miscellaneous projects, and took some naps.  I tried a few new things and had lots of laughs.  I'm trying to live in the moment, let stuff go, and just take a step back from planning for and worrying about things I have no control over. 

Guess what?  It's nice.  Nicer than I thought it would be and certainly better than how life was going before.  I'm going to try to hold on to how I feel right now, today.  There are still things to be done, but not today and not tomorrow either.  Let it go... just be.

Hello, 2017!

Have you ever done this before?  Chosen one word to focus on for an entire year?  I've been kicking around resolutions and I have to say, for me right now, focusing on the negative is the last thing I want to do.  In the past, my resolutions have been lists of things identified as needing change, areas I struggle with, or things needing to be "fixed" because I am falling short in some way.  Then, at the end of the year, I look back, shake my head at all that unfinished, unaccomplished business and resolve to "do better next year".  At this time of so many new beginnings, I am shifting my perspective.    

A while back, my yoga instructor read a passage that resonated with me..

  "How dare you not step into the world with purpose?   

How dare you not live up to your potential?" 

 (Tiffany Cruikshank, Meditate Your Weight)  

I love this quote!  To me, it speaks to recognizing inner qualities and what a person has to offer and I love the challenge that it holds.  This year, I want to start the year on a positive note.  After much deliberation (there are SO MANY awesome words out there!), the word I am choosing is something I can reflect and fall back on.  It has meaning and can interweave through the many aspects of my life.  It is a word that sums up how I am feeling, right at this moment.  I want to hold on to that feeling, nurture it, and use it as momentum.  I  want to celebrate it as I move through the year and make things happen.  Hmmm... all this wrapped into one word?  Is that even possible?  Not just possible, I think it's totally doable!  So, here it is... my focus for this year.  

               How about you?  Are you setting goals, making a plan, tying your ideas to one word?  

Or are you resolving to just let the year unfold?